THE VIEW

Today on THE VIEW, we have Jamon Serrano giving the ladies his perspective about the scandal surrounding Wolfgang Baconlovin’s wrongful arrest and acquittal in the murder case involving his brothers Prosciutto DiParma and Canadian Bacon. Plus we will hear about what Jamon thinks of Wolfgang’s upcoming appearance on Dancing with the Stars and his tell all interviews with Oprah. All that, hot topics and more coming up live on The View!

Whoopi: Welcome to The View! Have we got a show for you today.

Joy: Yeah, we’re really bringing you the bacon!

Whoopi: Yes, today we have joining us a little later in the show Jamon Serrano, the lone brother left in what most are calling the pig brothers massacre involving Wolfgang Baconlovin.

Barbara (interrupting): Whoopi perhaps we should tell everyone a little back story on the case?

Whoopi: Right Barbara, I was just getting to that. So in case you have been under a rock for the past year we are talking about the trial of Wolfgang Baconlovin involving the alleged murders of brothers Prosciutto DiParma and Canadian Bacon.

Barbara: Yes, but what has really made news is the fact that Mr.Baconlovin, according to ABC news, was acquitted last week due to lack of evidence.

Sherri: Yes and he is going to be on Dancing with the Stars next week! It’s my favorite show, I wonder who they will pair him up with?

Joy: Hopefully not Miss Piggy!

Whoopi: Ok lets be serious for a moment, doesn’t anybody think it’s wrong that this gentleman wolf was wrongfully accused and jailed for over a year during trial?

Elizabeth: Not long enough if you ask me. According to the latest Fox News poll nearly eighty percent of most Americans think Baconlovin did the crime.

Joy: Fox News Elizabeth? Yeah right, those are the same polls that said eighty percent of the public favored Sarah Palin. Come on, wake up! The wolf was wrongfully accused, it’s logical, the guy had a cold and that sneeze knocked the houses down. If you ask me those two pigs, no disrespect to Jamon, weren’t the crispiest bacon in the frying pan!

Elizabeth: Joy that’s simply not true! The entire swine community is outraged by this acquittal. The wolf is big and bad and he’s a murderer!

Barbara: Elizabeth, we need to stick to the facts. As an ABC news correspondent I am not allowed to give my opinion, but my heart goes out to Jamon and his family.

Elizabeth: What’s left of it.

Barbara Also to Mr. Baconlovin’s family as well.

Whoopi: Are we all forgetting a very important fact? (Yes I know we need to wrap, but wait a minute). This wolf, however big and bad, was found not guilty. Now his good name is ruined forever. No matter what opinion you, Fox News, MSNBC or any of the other talking heads have, the wolf was wrongfully accused. The wolf’s good name and entire life are now in ruins. If you do recall, he was quite a good baker. His savory cheddar bacon scones were amazing. Now his Tribacon Bakery in Tribeca is closed. So you know what I think? We should leave him alone and let him dance with stars or talk with Oprah or whatever he wants to do, he was framed after all. But wait, we weren’t framed, we’re still here, so we are going to go and come right back with even more hot topics and the controversial and outspoken Jamon Serrano!

Trailer Trash Pigs' Sole Survivor Speaks Out!

Last night, Jimmy Dean, the last survivor of the beloved and infamous "Trailer Trash Pigs." had his first returning appearance on the The Jerry Springer Show. It was one of the most anticipated shows of the month.
It seems like it was just yesterday that southern America was tuned in to the exploits of Bubba Bacon, Mary B. Bologna, and little Jimmy Dean. With their reality show "Three Pigs, Three Trailers" winning two Emmies for "Best Reality Show" and "Most Watched Show," that not one person saw the tragic deaths that came at the beginning of this year.
Bubba Bacon, 8, and Mary B. Bologna, 6, were both in the beginning of their second season of the show when they were both tricked by their favorite politician, Wolf Limbaugh, and were tragically killed and eaten. Even though Limbaugh was a whole-hearted supporter of banning pigs rights with campaign "They are food, not Human," the two pigs allowed Wolf in because they were predominate supporters of the republican party and was easily manipulated by his"fancy words" as Jimmy Dean describes it on the show last night.
As the show opened there was an overwhelming sound of tears that came with little Jimmy Dean sitting by himself on the stage wearing his favorite trucker hat saying "Got pork in ya? would you like some?" Jerry's first question came as not a surprise for it was the most anticipated question of the country "How did you out smart Wolf Limbaugh?"
"Well Jerry, that sure is a question I ask god every morning! I tell ya, it wasn't something I thought I had enough curl of a tail for. Well see, Limbaugh came by my house and said he was going to help me get extra channels of Nascar. I thought that was the funniest thing I ever heard cause Nascar doesn't even start for another couple of months. So I told him to go away, then he got madder than an old pig with no apples. As you guys have seen on the show," Jimmy Dean paused a minute for the applause to lower, "my trailer is the double wide which is made out of hard steel, so there was no way of Wolf knocking it over. I don't even know why he was trying. You know what that big ole' boy tried to do next?? Yep, He tried to go through the air vents, and got stuck!!"
The show went on about the lives of his fallen brothers and behind the scenes stories of their show, but everyone was waiting on the edge of their seats for the surprise visit of Wolf Limbaugh who was waiting sound proofed in the back of the stage. When he was revealed, chairs were thrown, tails uncurled and plenty of honky talk ensued! The show ended after Wolf was booed off the stage and he returned with a one claw response. It was definitely a night to remember, and will be one of the last chapters to the three trailer trash pigs. To watch the whole episode of the show log onto www.trailerparkpigs.com.

Wolf's Last Meal

September 22, 2009

Jungle Tribune

In the latest update of the slaying of two young brother pigs earlier this week, Porky Oinkman and Plumpy Bakonz, an arrest was made on the prime suspect, Wolfgang Notsmart. Porklice (police with pork inserted) found Notsmart in his home yesterday claiming he has not spoken to the brothers in weeks. Though no substantial evidence suggests that Wolfgang was responsible, neighbors say the two brothers were last seen in a confrontation with Wolfgang which they believe escalated. The case of the Animals of the Jungle vs. Wolfgang Notsmart is set to take place October 4, 2009 at 8 A.M. in the Supreme Jungle court. Until then, Notsmart's bail is set at 2 million dollars. If successfully convicted, Wolfgang can face a life sentence and even the death penalty with no authorization for possible parole. "It ain't right, they always tryin to lock the brothers up man no matter what" is what Jawsy, a co-worker of Wolfgang's had to say upon seeing his close friend taken out of the house in handcuffs. This latest court case is a frenzy storm for the parrot-razzi as the species discrimination tensions heat up for the election year ahead.

Wolfgang's lawyer Johnnie L Croc-ran refused to comment on the status of his case and his defendant, though he said he is confident and reassures everyone that this is all just some big mistake..."... unfortunately the real criminal is somewhere resting and we're paying the price by suffering for his or her actions.... but we will find them regardless..." is what Crock-ran had to say. With the crime rate climbing steadily, the mayor of the Jungle is pushing for reforms to increase the porklice force along with on-duty hours in hopes of gaining supporters in the upcoming elections. This is the 4th homicide case in the area in the past 2 weeks which the mayor calls "unacceptable" and claims that the night is darkest just before dawn, but, until this dawn comes, please take care of yourselves and each other.

Justice Exist!

Monkey Roberto (reporter): Thanks to my fellow audience for watching the animal news. Today’s trial is one of the most important ones in the history of this town. The richest wolf in town, Walfie Mark has been accused of eating alive the well known two little pigs, Kafu and Steven Bacon.

According to Ronny, the youngest brother of the two missing little pigs, the only enemy the family had was Wolfie Mark, who was often seen threatening those two little pigs for not paying the last three months of rent which were past due.

Now Ronny is going to declare in front of the court room of Animal Land

Ronny Bacon (Youngest brother): Three days ago I went to visit my brother’s house; I knocked and knocked at the door and no one answered it. I was really scared about the safety of my two brothers so I decided to break into the house. Once I was in the house I saw blood everywhere; that terrible scene made me throw up. I was crying desperately thinking the worst happened to my brothers. I searched around the whole house and finally came to the conclusion someone killed my lovely brothers.

I know the one that killed my brothers was Wolfie Mark.

Based on my brother’s neighbors, Wolfie Mark opened the door of the house with his own keys, as you may know my brothers were renting one of Mark’s properties. Neighbors heard Wolfie Mark screaming like crazy at my brothers demanding to be paid for the past three months of rent. He was threatening them by saying; I will eat you alive if you don’t pay me. I am so hungry and you guys look delicious! The argument went on for almost thirty minutes until the neighbors felt a sudden silent

Judge: Well Wolfie Mark, now it is your turn, what you have to say in your defense?

Wolfie Mark: I did not eat those two bastards’ pigs, they did not want to pay my rent and I hated them but I did not kill them.

Judge: So how do you explain that your stomach grew so big in just three days? And I have found you haven’t eaten in days due to indigestion problems. The whole town knows you love to eat! I am claiming you guilty for eating those poor little pigs.

Monkey Roberto (reporter): As you see my dear viewers the Judge has heard both Ronny Bacon and Wolfie Mark and his verdict has been set, claiming the only suspect guilty. The case has been resolved and justice was made!

The whole town cried aloud with emotion about the news. Now all the rich animals in town know better that justice exists and they will pay for their homicides. Wolfie Mark was sentenced to life prison and no meat, his favorite meal, will be served for lunch or dinner.

The Wolfs' Pigs Massacre

Dear Jury of the Jungle Count,

As we all aware of, Piggy Mama passed away a couple of days ago. She as many of us devoted her whole life to raise her children and keep then away from all the danger that is around our jungle, especially from depredators. Her kids were the best at school. They were very respectful and never missed church on the Sunday.

After Piggy Mama passed away, her three kids had to go on their separate ways. Teddy Pigs move to the lake to help on our river conservation program. Boo Pigs moved to monitor our jungle from above, And Darwin Pigs went to Animal High School to complete his Educations. Their Journeys didn’t last long; it ended when evil Brer Wolf devours them with his sharp deadly demolishing teeth.

Piggy Mama always protected her kids against Brer Wolf, so when Brer Wolf new that Piggy Mama passed away, he decided to pay a visit to Teddy, Boo and Darwin. He first went and visited Teddy. Teddy didn’t open the door, Wolf faked that he was going to be eating by a bear and Teddy, innocently, opened the door to Brer Wolf so he can escape from the bear. That’s when Brer Wolf attacked and murdered Teddy Pigs.

Second he went to visit Boo Pigs. Brer Wolf brought a video game with him. Boo Pigs love video games and let him in thinking that he wanted to play and that’s when he attack Boo Pigs and make pig soup with him for Dinner.

Last he went to Darwin Pigs’ house to eat the last of the Pigs. Brer Wolf nocks the door and Darwin let him in. Fortunately Darwin was with his friends from school: Kung Fu Panda, Karate Snake, Kick Boxer Monkey and Xia Fu Cow. They were practicing how to beat out the crap of a wolf. So when Brer Wolf entered the house, they beat the hell of him and brought him to our jungle court.

And now Jury of the Jungle court, I present you Brer Wolf in from of the Jungle Court for Judgment. The autopsy done to the leftovers of Teddy Pigs and Boo Pigs all indicate that Mr. Wolf is the only responsible of their dead. It is your call.
Massacre

State of Despair vs.G.W. Wolfsh

Transcript of

State of Despair vs. G.W. Wolfsh

Supreme Court of the Woods

November 2008

The following is the closing argument by B. O’Lama, Esq. for the State of Despair:

Your honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, let me give you an accurate account of what happened in truth with the pigs and once I am done, you will see that, in fact the pigs were not the victims of a unfortunate accident, but were murdered and eaten as an act of revenge.

Once upon a time the defendant and the victims were in good relations, but the fact remains, and the fact is that the defendant savagely ate the two victims S. Hamssein and his son Porksay and attempted to eat the third, O. Bacon Laden.

Let me explain how it became that former friends ended up in the belly of one of them: it was a long time ago when O. Bacon Laden was in need of mass sweetener for his baking needs and he asked his friend, G. W. Wolfsh who gladly supplied them with the needed mass sweetener. But after a while, the defendant’s father, G.H.W. Wolfs, asked the same of O. Bacon Laden but he refused to give him the mass sweetener and G. H. W Wolfsh felt very offended. It is then, ladies and gentlemen of the jury that the defendant decided to revenge the humiliation received by his father from the hands of Mr. Bacon Laden.

And so, ladies and gentlemen, the whole plot was devised to make it as it was all an innocent miss happening that Mr. Bacon Laden died tragically when the intention was all along to get him to pay for the insults brought to the father wolf.

And how did all this happen? Well, G.W. Wolfsh knew that he cannot get to Mr. Bacon Laden directly so he decided to approach Mr. Bacon Laden’s business associates claimed that he needed to get mass sweetener from them. And so he went to them and asked for the mass sweetener and when he was told that they have none, he “sneezed” killing first the father Hamssein in his house and then his son in his house. He later planted the sacks of mass sweetener in his victims’ houses to make it look like they were greedy and didn’t want to share and claiming that his allergies caused the untimely deaths of the pigs. We are all aware that the defendant claims he has allergies, but he’s been awfully quiet during this trial…did he miraculously get cured? The truth is that the pigs were killed because they were associates of Mr. Bacon Laden and the whole forest knows the truth. Your honor, allow me to introduce here Exhibit A, which is the sack of mass sweetener recovered from the ruins of Mr. Hamssein and his son’s houses. Ladies and gentlemen, if I may have your attention on the markings of the sacks…(points to the sacks and spells slowly) G.W. W. …G. W. Wolfsh, coincidence? I don’t think so! Furthermore, our team of forensic scientists found Mr. Wolfsh paw prints all over the sacks.

And what happened to Mr. Bacon Laden? Well, fortunately for him, he hid deep in the caverns of his house and evaded the captor until he was forced to quit by this court.

And now, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I believe that coming up with the verdict of “Guilty” for the defendant will be only a formality and we can get this hungry wolf off the streets once and for all. Yes we can!

dana post

i rock