Justice for All

Goat Thompson: Good Evening everyone thank you for tuning in to Barn News at 11 on the Farm Network.  I’m Goat Thompson.

 

Chick de la Egg: and I’m Chick de la Egg.  Early this afternoon, one of the most dreadful events to take place here in the United Kingdom of Animals, finally was resolved.  Wolfie Stevens was found guilty on double homicide.  We now go to Bull Rogers who is at the courthouse now.  Bull.

 

Bull Rogers:  Thank you Chick.  After weeks of evidence, witness, and brutal cross-examination, justice has been served.

 

(Roll video of case)

Bull Rogers speaks over video.

 

Bull Rogers:  Two months ago on a beautiful day, Curly Pig found both of his brothers Larry and Moe Pig mutilated in their respective homes.  Curly Pig immediately accused Wolfie Stevens, because of an altercation he had with the three little pigs at Costco, where Wolfie had threatened to kill the pigs.  After numerous testimonies from an array of witnesses, the District Attorney Leo Lion sealed the deal with an x-ray. Leo Lion presented an x-ray of Wolfie that was taken a couple of days after the bodies were found.  The x-ray was of Wolfie’s stomach, and in the stomach were two undigested pig tails.  Pig tails are not digestible therefore had to be surgically removed from Wolfie’s stomach.  So with paperwork from the hospital and insurance company and also the scar on Wolfie’s stomach, the jury had seen enough.

 

Goat Thompson: How did Wolfie react, Bull?

 

Bull Rogers:  Like the slime that he is, before the jury could speak their verdict Wolfie jumped up and yelled “I did it” numerous times saying how he couldn’t control himself and woke up the next day horrified by what he did.  He then had the audacity to say this:

 

(video of Wolfie in court)

 

Wolfie Stevens: Before you of the jury state your verdict of not guilty I would like psychiatric help so I don’t do this again.

 

Bull Rogers: Wolfie tried to claim INSANITY!!!!! What nerve he had to claim that he was innocent and try to get off on psychiatric care.  However, the honorable judge Gorilla Warfair did not take this well, he told Wolfie to “SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!!!!” The jury than claimed the verdict, after only an astonishing 10 minutes of discussion, of guilty.  The whole courthouse jumped up in joy.  Wolfie was sentenced to life in prison with no parole.  Today was the one shimmer of light of this whole mess.