The Mr. Alexander T. Wolf. v. Mr. Peter Piggly Trial

Reporter:
Good morning. Thank you for watching Channel 37 ½ News. This is Bonnie Bunny Chung, reporting to you live from the Happy Woody Forest Courthouse, where the Mr. Alexander T. Wolf v. Mr. Peter Piggly trial takes place today. According to the police reports, Mr. Wolf murdered and ate Mr. Piggly’s two brothers, Mr. Wiggly and Mr. Jiggly. Mr. Wolf is being charged today, not only for the murders of the two brothers, but also for tampering with evidence as he ate the bodies of the two deceased brothers, and for destruction of properties as he demolished both Mr. Wiggly and Mr. Jiggly's homes.

Mr. Piggly is expected to arrive any moment. Here he is now!

(All journalists rush towards Mr. Piggly with their microphones and video cameras, as newspaper journalists blind Mr. Piggly with their flashing cameras, all yelling his name to get his attention. Mr. Piggly looks uncomfortable to be in the spotlight.)

Mr. Piggly, this is Bonnie Bunny Chung of Channel 37 ½ News. I am so very sorry for your great loss. Please share with us, what is your disposition this morning?

Mr. Piggly:
Good morning Bonnie. As I am very sad for the loss of my two brothers, I am feeling very confident today and very hopeful that justice will be served on their behalf. I believe that the jury will find Mr. Wolf guilty and that he will be burned at the stakes! Mr. Wolf had no regard that my brothers were beloved family members and exceptional members of this great society. Mr. Wolf treated them as if they were nothing but sausage links at the local butcher. I hope Mr. Wolf rots in jail! Oink.

(Mr. Piggly storms away into the courthouse.)

Reporter:
As a nation, I am sure all of our hearts are with Mr. Piggly on this very difficult day. Mr. Wolf has just arrived!

(All journalists rush towards Mr. Wolf as they did with Mr. Piggly. But, Mr. Wolf eats up the attention, looking like a movie star, wearing sunglasses, prepared for the flashing cameras.)

Mr. Wolf! Mr. Wolf! This is Bonnie Bunny Chung of Channel 37 ½ News. Please tell us, how do you feel the jury will rule today?

Mr. Wolf:
Hello Bonnie. I truly believe that the jury will see that I meant no ham, I mean, harm to Mr. Wiggly and Mr. Jiggly. I innocently went to their homes to borrow a cup of sugar to make a birthday cake for my grandmother. I am a wonderful cook, you know. I would love to have you over for dinner sometime, perhaps for some delectable hossenfeffer? Think about it. Anyway, that day, I had a terrible cold which included uncontrollable, explosive sneezes. As the homes of Mr. Wiggly and Mr. Jiggly were indeed lovely specimens of architecture, they were unfortunately built out of substandard material, one out of straw and the other out of sticks. As I waited for them to open the doors of their homes, I let out a huff and puff, I mean, sneeze, which blew their homes down to the ground, leaving Mr. Wiggly and Mr. Jiggly dead. All I did was sneeze. Their homes would have crashed down on them killing them at some point with just a delicate breeze. It was the poor construction that killed the two brothers, not me.

Reporter:
But, you reportedly ate the two brothers afterwards.

Mr. Wolf:
Bonnie, yes I did eat the two porkers, I mean brothers. Any carnivorous animal living here in the Happy Woody Forest would have done the same, they would have eaten the pigs rather than let them just spoil. The two brothers were delicious, I mean, already dead. If I am guilty of anything, it is of having had a cold, nothing else! By the way, in case anyone was wondering, I feel much better now, I am now only suffering from minor sniffles.

(Mr. Wolf swaggers towards the courthouse, snapping his fingers and whistling.)

Reporter:
Wow! I hope Mr. Wolf has a good lawyer.

It is now only a few hours before we learn Mr. Wolf’s fate. Let us hope the jury makes the right decision and protects the citizens of Happy Woody Forest from any further danger caused by Mr. Wolf’s “sneezes.” Good bye for now. This is Bonnie Bunny Chung reporting. Back to you Bob.