Here today standing before me is Alexander T Wolf. He is the wolf who committed those atrocious crimes against the three little pigs. He brutally blew down the house of said pigs and then ate them like it was Thanksgiving dinner. Who am I you mite ask, well I am the one who was confined in me the miserable job of watching the gates of hell throughout all eternity, and you know me as Joseph Stalin. I am forced to sit here and decide whether or not these people who come through are truly evil and would thus stay in hell or if they should rise up and join the angels in heaven.
Joseph Stalin: So Mr. Wolf as being one partook in the slaughtering of people; I know how much you can have while doing it, so why did you do it
Wolf: Sir, I was not looking to murder these poor little pigs, I was merely inquiring about borrowing a cup of sugar to bake a cake.
JS: So when they refused to give you this cup of sugar you decided it would be just, to destroy their homes and eat them?
Wolf: No no no, nothing of the sort sir, I had a slight head cold which was making sneeze very violently, and I developed the urge to sneeze. My sneeze was so terrible it blew away first the hose of straw and then the next house which was made of sticks.
JS: So after blowing the houses away what did you do?
Wolf: Well after blowing the houses away, I saw that those swine were just lying motionless in the middle of the rubble, so it was either just leave them there to rot and whither away or eat them.
JS: And you being the big bad wolf decided it would be perfectly fine to eat them and just proceed on in your search for sugar.
Wolf: Why yes, and then might I add when asking for the sugar these pigs were very nasty and would rudely answer me back even though my request was easy and simple.
JS: Well then what happened next?
Wolf: Well I then proceeded on my journey for the cup of sugar, after eating the second pig to a beautiful brick house. Upon arrival to this brick house I asked the same question, to which I did receive a warm response. That putrid swine even told my grandmother, whom I was baking the cake for; to “sit on a pin” so that drove me up a wall. I was angry I then huffed and puffed trying to break down his door, but as this was occurring the police came and started beating me with a plunger, I was then thrown in jail and executed, leaving me here standing in front of you hoping you believe my story and give me mercy.
JS: Well you are right, you are at my mercy, and before I inform you on my decision I would like to discuss a few things with you. To begin now even though when you ate those pigs they were dead how do you think they mite have died? Maybe it could have been their homes collapsing on them, maybe when you blew their houses down you could have given them a heart attack. Nonetheless, what you did can be summed up as an act of nature. Wolves eat pigs and other animals, if you didn’t eat these animals it may destroy our ecosystem and thus society would not be able to exist. So with that you can ascend up to the good graces of heaven
Wolf: Really thank you thank you this is the greatest day ever, are you serious!?!?!?!?!?
JS: Hahahahaha no I was just joking with you Wolf, you’re already in hell nothing can go your way, your stuck here for eternity.
3 comments:
I enjoyed this very much. The ending was unexpected and quite funny. I wouldn’t have expected Joseph Stalin to be judging the violence of another person’s crime, especially that of a wolf. However, I’m glad that the wolf was punished for his crime and didn’t get away scot-free.
A nice touch - ol' Jo' Stalin seems like one of a few people that would certainly deserve to be at the gates of hell judging people's evilness. I agree with Ashley, the ending was fitting and funny.
I like the play on your title and the historical references!
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