CINDERELLAS A. COURIC, DISNEY NEWS ANCHOR: Tonight, a world tries to grasp the new shocking revelations of the highly publicized trial of the Three Little Pigs vs., Alexander T. Wolf (better known as the Big Bad Wolf). Revelations so strange that hundreds of thousands of Disney and cartoon characters are appreciative and understandably somewhat confused. I’m Cinderellas A. Couric.
ANNOUNCER: From Disney News world headquarters in Neverland, this is the Disney Evening News with Cinderellas A. Couric.
COURIC: Good evening everyone. The highly publicized trial of the Three Little Pigs vs. Alexander T. Wolf ended with Judge Tinkerbell Fairly sentencing Wolf to a fairytale’s eternity in prison. If you remember, throughout the trial Wolf was seen as evil and delusional, never once admitting the heinousness of his crimes. Wolf accused the media of sensationalism. Sensational or not, his story about eating siblings – Alfred Pig (the owner of the straw house) and Bosley Pig (the owner of the stick house) seemed a bit incredulous. His recount of the event included tales of sugar, a cake for an ailing grandmother and sneezing. Sneezes so incredibly powerful that he blew down the houses of the brothers and eventually ate them. According to him, they were already dead upon his consumption. The lone surviving victim of this tragedy, Carl Pig (owner of the brick house), is said to be missing his siblings terribly, although he is thankful for his survival. Anger has now been added to list of emotions as breaking news informs us that Wolf has been acquitted and his sentence revoked. There is a twist to this intriguing story. It does seem that Wolf was lying, but so too was the main witness, Carl Pig. Mr. C. Pig has just been arrested and is being held as a suspect of terrorism. We have Peter Pan reporting in Everland, New Cardigan tonight. Peter, what a strange turn of events -- from a grieving brother to an incarcerated terror suspect.
PETER PAN, DISNEY NEWS CORRESPONDENT: That’s right, Cinderellas. Carl Pig has confessed that he and his siblings planned to reign supreme over all the Disney and cartoon characters. From his taped confession, he admitted that he and his siblings felt humiliated and unappreciated compared to all the other Disney stories. They were owners of shabby dwellings and never had a female in their storybook lives. There was no gold, nor royalty – only sticks, straws, and a slew of unhappiness. Wolf once considered big and bad, is now hailed a fairytale land superhero.
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PAN: Carl Pig and his brothers planned to rebel against the writers of famous fairytales by capturing their beloved characters and killing them off in order to create their own destiny where they ruled opulent kingdoms and had relations with fair maiden princesses.
MICKEY MOUSE: I still can’t wrap my mouse brain around it. Carl and I shared the remains of the Giant’s pork chop for dinner just two days ago. (Pause). Coming to think of it I should have known something was wrong -- he was a cannibal and I didn’t even recognize. No cannibal I know is ever innocent. I hate cannibals!
PAN: In addition to these confessions, exposure of Wolf’s profession has surfaced. Alexander T. Wolf also known as Agent Wolf is attached to the C.I.A. (Cartoons Investigation Agency) and was working undercover in order to infiltrate the Pig Brothers organization. Wolf’s story in court was a last ditch attempt to maintain his cover; a cover which was blown by C. Pig when interviewed by Jackandjill Wentupahill for their once annual taping of 2010 Minutes.
DOPEY (from Snow White fame): Man, I always knew that Wolf was the man. He had these super cool vintage John Lennon glasses that made him look more like a rock star than a murderer. But C. Pig and his brothers were cool cats too. When my Mama Dopey died they were the first dudes willing to help out. I don’t believe they planned to hurt anyone. They just wanted more. C. Pig always said that he just wanted live a life unscripted.-- like those dudes in Entourage.
PAN: Disney and cartoon characters alike have been split on Judge Fairly’s decision. For the impoverished the Pigs are seen as leaders of revolution while the Wolf was a pawn in the establishment’s game of control. The Pigs were to even the playing field. On the other hand there are those view them as disloyal and terrorist in nature because they dared to challenge Neverland’s establishment. Wolf was a savior in keeping the characters and their societal positions intact.
In the end, the C. Pig’s trial will begin next week and prosecution will be calling its main witness – none other than Agent Alexander T. Wolf.
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COURIC: All right. Peter Pan. Peter, thanks very much.
2 comments:
Definitely like how you show an example of one of the factors that influence terrorism. Also we see regularly the decisions our government make are sometimes the reason for people commit terrorist acts. For example: The man who crash the plane in the IRS building because he believe government would hear his and others cry.
Clever clip.
I loved your use of Disney characters integrated into the story, and how much it sounded like an actual nightly news report! C.I.A as the Cartoons Investigation Agency, very creative! My favorite however, was definitely Dopey. He sounds like a stereotypical “bro” and almost like a stoner!
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