A cloud of horror was ruling the courtroom today. The air was filled with scorn and aversion on one hand, and doubt and pity on the other. One could sense how time slowed down as the defendant walked into the courtroom. This is Liana Bee reporting the proceedings of the "three little pigs" trial from the courthouse in downtown, NY, where the following events took place, unfolding the true story of the alleged two murders and an attempted murder of the three little pigs.
Prosecutor: State your name for the record please.
Defendant: Alexander T. Wolf, but you can call me Al.
Prosecutor: Could you please tell us what were you doing on the day of this abhorrent crime?
Defendant: I was at home coping with my terrible cold while attempting to bake a cake for my grandmother’s birthday, when I discovered that I ran out of sugar.
Prosecutor: What happened next?
Defendant: I presumed that some of my kind neighbors would lend me a cup of sugar, so I went down the street to try my luck. I walked towards the first house I saw. To my surprise the house was not secured-the walls did not look stable and the door was wide open. I try calling someone to the front door, when a strong wind went by me and caused me to sneeze. The next thing I saw when I looked up was a little pig, laying amongst the ruins. At first, I thought he was unconscious but when I ran to check his pulse I realized that he was dead. So I did the next logical thing for the wolf to do-I ate him!
Prosecutor: Mr. Al why didn’t you call the police?
Defendant: I was scared; besides, they would take his body to autopsy and I wasn’t going to let that delicious meat undergo through so much trouble.
Prosecutor: What did you do next?
Defendant: I continued my search for a cup of sugar. On my way to the next house another sneeze came over me, which knocked me off my feet onto the house. Then again, I saw a little piggy with no pulse laying in ruins, and I did what every self-respecting wolf would have done in my situation-I ate him!
Prosecutor: Mr. Al your psychological report says that you have rage issues. Incidentally, Mr. Pigmalion accuses you of reckless and deliberate attempt of breaking and entering and now he is seeking to gain justice for himself and for his two brothers, claiming that you hate all little pigs. What do you have to say for yourself?
Defendant: Mr. Prosecutor, this was all a misunderstanding. As a mentioned earlier, I love delicious little pigs. I never intended to hurt anyone. The murders of his two brothers was caused by accident. Moreover, I never intended to cause distress to Mr. Pigmaleon. I would never act in a reckless manner, I’m usually a calm wolf, if he wouldn’t slander my grandmother. I ask the jurors to consider my side of the story before reaching a verdict.
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