Piggius Reactius or Truth, only Truth and nothing but the Truth about the Case of the Three Little Pigs

Crow the Reporter: Good Afternoon, Ladies and Gentlemen! This is Carl Crow for the Forest News Channel 8. We are reporting about a horrific case of double-homicide of two members of our Green World Community. On June 18, 2008 two brothers, John and James Piggards were killed in cold blood by some Mr. Wolfard. The scope of the crime is unconceivable. Mr. Wolfard consecutively destroyed the properties of the two brothers and glutinously devoured the victims. Yet the most outrageous about this situation is the fact that Mr. Wolfard pleaded “not guilty” to all chrages and claims temporary insanity as a reason for consuming the bodies of the victims. Let’s see what Mr. Wolfard’s attorney Mrs. Foxy Red has to say in defense of her client.

(The image of the court room full of animals and Owl the Judge presiding)

Foxy Red: Dear Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury! Here and now you face a burden of making a vitally important decision, a decision of reinstating justice and saving an innocent life. The prosecution has done a great job twisting the truth, blackening the image of Mr. Wolfard and desperately trying to convince you that my client is a cold-blooded serial killer. What happened to be an unfortunate set of circumstances has been portrayed as a premeditated homicide. My client is a caring grandson and a prominent member of the community who sacrifices his time and financial means to help those in need. Yet as you see now he is paying a hefty price for his kindness.

Exhibit 1, medical report, page 13, the conclusion. As you can see, Ladies and Gentlemen, my client suffers from a rare decease Pigius Reactius. This is an ailment that wolves most often become victims of. It makes them sneeze explosively and uncontrollably once exposed to a pig. A typical seizure is usually followed by a loss of self-control for a period of time as long as 20 minutes. As our medical examiner Mrs. Hyena established Mr. Wolfard was contaminated on his trip to Africa where he was bitten by a wild boar. In Africa Mr. Wolfard headed a charitable mission “Save the Pig in Need” bringing medicine, food and supplies of fresh water to the inhabitants of impoverished valleys. Since the decease has a dormancy period of half a year it did not manifest itself until recently.

My client having no knowledge of being contaminated and the danger that he was in paid a visit to Mr. John Piggard. And as soon as he approached the house of Mr. Piggard my client fell prey to the symptoms of the treacherous ailment. After having a seizure and blanking out for approximately 15 minutes Mr. Wolfard found himself alone at the ruins of the straw house. Lost and confused he decided to visit John’s brother – Mr. James Piggard – in an attempt to find the missing house owner. And the situation repeated again. At the third time Mr. Wolfard realized that Mr. Jeremy Piggard – the eldest of the three brothers – lives not far away. There as we know my client experienced his last seizure and was captured in a state of delirium by the police and questioned. Since my client was in no mental capacity to testify or make statements I ask the Honorable Court to disregard the narrative given by Mr. Wolfard to the nosy journalist Mr. Jon Scieszka and consider it null and void.

Dear Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury! Yes, Mr. Wolfard committed an act that he deeply regrets. He will have to live with it all his life. But he did not commit it out wickedness or immorality. He is a seriously sick person who needs treatment and doctor’s help, not a prison cell. Help us reinstate justice here; find Mr. Wolfard not guilty!

(focus back on the Crow the Reporter)

Crow the Reporter: As you see, dear viewers, the defense is using every tactic to save the murder from the needle. Yet it’s not up to us to speculate and take guesses. Let’s just hope that the Jury reaches the right verdict and renders justice. From the Green Forest Court room, I Carl Crow, exclusively for Forest News Channel 8.

Murder at Round Park

Cartman (Reporter): Hello America, thank you for watching Round Park News. Today we are in front of the courthouse in the trial of Mr. Mackeywolf, who has been accused of killing my long time friends Kenny the Pig and Butters the Pig. These two brothers never saw it coming.

Wendy (News Anchor): Thank you for this great story Cartman. Any news on what his defense is?

Cartman (Reporter): Well, Wendy. According to Mr. Mackeywolf’s testimony, it was all a terrible misunderstanding. But why don’t you judge for yourself.

Mr.Mackeywolf (inside courthouse, speaking to judge): Judge Chef, This has been a terrible misunderstanding, umm ‘kay. You see, I stopped by Kenny the pig’s house to ask him why he has not been doing his homework for the past week, umm ‘kay. I knocked and knocked and no one answered. I assumed his parents were passed from doing drugs and decided to open the door, umm ‘kay. That’s where I found Kenny the pig passed out on his couch, umm ‘kay. I rushed to his side and tried to resuscitate him but I realized it was too late. At that moment, his brother Butters the pig comes into the house and sees me trying to resuscitate Kenny. He thinks I’ve killed him and threatens to call the police, umm ‘kay. I tried to explain to him that I found him like that, but he wouldn’t believe me. I tried to shake some sense into him but I accidentally hit his head against the T.V set. And there he was passed out too, umm ‘kay. I tried to resuscitate him too but he was also not responding, umm ‘kay. I didn’t know what to do so I cried. I cried so much that the whole house flooded and I had to run out of there. And that’s when the police came your honor, umm ‘kay. You can see this is all a misunderstanding.

Judge Chef: Well, Mr. Mackeywolf. This does seem to be a misunderstanding and you’ve suffered enough by finding your precious students dead. I will sentence you to counseling for a year. Court adjourned!

Mr. Mackeywolf: Thank you so much judge, umm ‘kay.

Cartman: As you can see folks, Mr. Mackeywolf has only been sentenced to counseling, leaving the death of my friends as an accident….oh. hold on Wendy. This just in. It seems that the third brother, Kyle the pig as been missing for a few days. What could’ve happened to him? I’ll be bringing you the latest on this new event. Here, on Round Park News.

Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll

(Cue music) dummm dumm dum dum dim dum dum.

Tom Tucker: Tonight’s edition of Quahog 5 News will cover the controversial decision the jury came to on the Alleged Double Porkicide Case of two local pigs, Sex and Drugs. On the case, our correspondent, Tricia Takanawa, has all the details outside of the Slaughterhouse County Criminal Court. Tricia:

Tricia Takanawa: Yes Tom, I am standing outside the Slaughterhouse County Criminal Court where the jury has finally come to a decision on the hotly debated Double Porkicide case that has torn this community in two. I have received word that the jury has acquitted the wolf on both counts of homicide. Sex and Drugs, along with a third brother, Rock and Roll, have been known to be free spirits with their own agenda who were menaces to society at times, where Big Bernie Wolfoff is the CEO of a very successful mutual fund. Some believe that Wolfoff’s standing in society as well as the troubled past of the three pigs weighed heavily on the decision while others believe a biased jury was at work in this case as the entire jury consisted of anti-beef campaigning cows. The argument of the defense was that the death of the first pig, Sex, was an accident and the death of the second pig, Drugs, was self-inflicted. Tom, Mr. Wolfoff is leaving the courthouse now. I’ll try and get a comment. Mr. Wolfoff, Mr. Wolfoff a word please. Please tell us how these pigs died.

Mr. Wolfoff: As I testified in court, the death of Sex was an accident. Sex and I where neighbors and some would even call us friends. I got a phone call from Sex saying that he needed my help. Like the good neighbor I am, I obliged and went to his house.  When I got there he had a blow up doll out and was surfing the net for something called the Kama Sutra. Being the upstanding citizen that I am I have never heard of this Kama Sutra. Bang Bros. is more my taste. Anyway, he said he needed my help to “try something out” for a book he was writing because the doll just wasn’t cutting it. He laid curled up in the fetal position and asked me to sit on him. I said that I didn’t think it was a good idea but he insisted. When I sat on him I heard a crunch. I got off and saw his neck was broken. He was dead. I started to freak out and began breathing really heavily when his house started to fall apart. Once I calmed down, I saw his entire house collapsed and he was just lying there dead. I committed no crime. The only crime would have been if I let his body waste away. Instead I put his body to good use and I ate it like any normal member of society would have done. After that I thought I would do the right thing and let a family member know of his death. I know his brother Rock and Roll is constantly away on tour so I decided to go to Drugs’ house against my better judgment. Upon arrival I saw Drugs dead on the floor with a rubber band tied around his arm and a needle by his side. Guess he’s been holding out on me, but that’s not the point. I started hyperventilating again because I’m just not use to this stuff and Drugs’ house came crashing down. Again, any sane person knows that you do not let a tender pork loin go to waste so I did what was right and I feasted. That’s when those other pigs showed up, you know who I mean, the fuzz, 5-0, poe poe, yea that’s right the cops. If they weren’t pigs themselves I never would have been wrongfully arrested. I’m just happy justice has been served.

Tricia Takanawa: Thank you Mr. Wolfoff. You heard it here Tom, right from the wolf’s mouth. Believe it or not those McDonald’s hating jurors ate it up and that’s all that matters. Oh Tom, here comes the brother of the now deceased pigs. Excuse me Rock and Roll, excuse me, a word please. What are your thoughts on what happened?

Rock and Roll (in British accent): That bloody wanker may have fooled those fat yank cows but not me mate.  That rusty bullet holed todger will pay some heavy dividends. What are you doing tonight wabs?

Tricia Takanawa: Me? Um nothing.

Rock and Roll (in British accent): How about we go out and have a few pints and go back to my wank pit and I can maybe landscape your lady garden while you tend to me dangly bits? Sound good Mary?

Tricia Takanawa: My name is Tricia. Aren’t you going to mourn the death of your brothers?

Rock and Roll (in British accent): Who? Those bleedin Roundheads? They’ve already passed off to see King George. Why waste more time on them? Finding a woman like you is as rare as rocking horse shit.

Tricia Takanawa: Back to you Tom.

Tom Tucker: Thank you Tricia and don’t be a prude. The man just lost two bothers for crying out loud. This just in however, Mr. Wolfoff will be back in court next week as he is being accused of running a Ponzi Scheme through his successful mutual fund. He will be held under house arrest in his apartment on the Upper East Side until then and then will probably get off again. This has been the news and we are Quahog 5 covering Quahog like a wet blanket.

Justice for All

Goat Thompson: Good Evening everyone thank you for tuning in to Barn News at 11 on the Farm Network.  I’m Goat Thompson.

 

Chick de la Egg: and I’m Chick de la Egg.  Early this afternoon, one of the most dreadful events to take place here in the United Kingdom of Animals, finally was resolved.  Wolfie Stevens was found guilty on double homicide.  We now go to Bull Rogers who is at the courthouse now.  Bull.

 

Bull Rogers:  Thank you Chick.  After weeks of evidence, witness, and brutal cross-examination, justice has been served.

 

(Roll video of case)

Bull Rogers speaks over video.

 

Bull Rogers:  Two months ago on a beautiful day, Curly Pig found both of his brothers Larry and Moe Pig mutilated in their respective homes.  Curly Pig immediately accused Wolfie Stevens, because of an altercation he had with the three little pigs at Costco, where Wolfie had threatened to kill the pigs.  After numerous testimonies from an array of witnesses, the District Attorney Leo Lion sealed the deal with an x-ray. Leo Lion presented an x-ray of Wolfie that was taken a couple of days after the bodies were found.  The x-ray was of Wolfie’s stomach, and in the stomach were two undigested pig tails.  Pig tails are not digestible therefore had to be surgically removed from Wolfie’s stomach.  So with paperwork from the hospital and insurance company and also the scar on Wolfie’s stomach, the jury had seen enough.

 

Goat Thompson: How did Wolfie react, Bull?

 

Bull Rogers:  Like the slime that he is, before the jury could speak their verdict Wolfie jumped up and yelled “I did it” numerous times saying how he couldn’t control himself and woke up the next day horrified by what he did.  He then had the audacity to say this:

 

(video of Wolfie in court)

 

Wolfie Stevens: Before you of the jury state your verdict of not guilty I would like psychiatric help so I don’t do this again.

 

Bull Rogers: Wolfie tried to claim INSANITY!!!!! What nerve he had to claim that he was innocent and try to get off on psychiatric care.  However, the honorable judge Gorilla Warfair did not take this well, he told Wolfie to “SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!!!!” The jury than claimed the verdict, after only an astonishing 10 minutes of discussion, of guilty.  The whole courthouse jumped up in joy.  Wolfie was sentenced to life in prison with no parole.  Today was the one shimmer of light of this whole mess.

Justice for all

Piglet News Cast

Rob Bergundy(News Anchor): This just in, Al T. Wolf commits double homicide by murdering two pigs. We’re going live to the bloody wolf court house with piglet news reporter Brick Tamland to find out more on this tragic story.

Brick Tamland(Reporter): Thank you Ron. As you can see in the background here at the bloody wolf court house the pig community is very upset at the murdering of Little Pig #1 and Little Pig #2. They are all protesting to get the harshest form of punishment possible for the wolf. Let’s have an interview with Little Pig #3 the younger sibling of the two murdered pigs.

Little Pig #3: We’ll I’m very shocked that this wolf could do something to my siblings. Both of them were such caring pigs and didn’t deserve anything of this kind. I think the wolf deserves the worst penalty possible for his acts.

Brick Tamland: What kind of penalty do you think Al T Wolf deserves for commiting such a violent act?

Little Pig #3: Well there is no penalty that will bring back my two loving siblings (tear) ,but , I believe that if we think of a penalty harsh enough and this gets televised all throughout the world that it will prevent wolves from murdering innocent pigs everywhere. He must be sentenced to death or better yet… life in prison… eating only vegetables for the rest of his life. That will teach that bastard wolf. He’ll pay for this.

Brick Tamland: Those are strong words Little Pig #3. I agree with you one hundred percent. Oh here comes the wolf now let me see what he has to say about this.

Brick Tamland: Mr. Wolf how do you feel about all of these accusations about you?

Al T. Wolf: I tell ya I didn’t do it…. I’M INNO(interrupted)

Violent Pig Protestors: KILL THE WOLF! KILL THE WOLF!

Al T. Wolf: They don’t know what they are talking about I was trying to get a cup of sugar to bake a cake for my dear old granny and I had a terrible cold and...

Violent Pig Protestors: HANG HIM! GIVE HIM THE ROPE!

Brick Tamland: There you have it folks. The pig community is devastated by the loss of Little Pig #1 and Little Pig #2 and are seeking vengeance. Thank you for watching Piglet News I’m Brick Tamland back to you Ron…

Dead Pork

Bekoe Wickham from Fox 5 News

Today we listened to the facts of the case of Mr. Alexander Wolf in the trial of “Wolf vs. Porky” Mr. Alexander Wolf has maintained his innocence throughout the trial. Mr. Wolf has said that the two killings were accidental and he was demonstrating good citizenship by disposing of the bodies. In all fairness to Mr. Wolf medical studies have shown that when a wolf sneezes it’s very well capable of destroying such structures as those that the Porky brothers occupied. However the wolf and the pig community has had a lot of problems in the past and I think this will be a detrimental part of this case. Were the killings accidental or premeditated?

Today in court Mr. Wolf lawyer said that the teeth marks found on the body was not the cause of death which lead him to say, “If the teeth don’t fit you must acquit”. What makes this a difficult case to win is proving that the two separate killings were indeed accidental and Mr. Wolf was not negligible for his actions. However he has been cooperating with law enforcements and no evidence was found that there was any tampering of evidence at the crime scene. Mr. Wolf has never had any prior run in with the law and is an active church member. The local doctor also strengthens Mr. Wolf defense verifying that he indeed had a cold.

In conclusion I think it’s very much possible that Mr. Wolf can indeed be innocent because it’s unlikely that someone of such upstanding moral character can commit such horrendous crimes. Another speculation about the case is that the pigs were dead before Mr. Wolf arrived there. The Porky brothers have been known to be involved in the deadly pork trade and some have speculated that it could have been a mob hit by the Wiggly family that resides in Porkville.

Good Evening, I'm Jim Lehrer. Startling new details emerged today during the testimony of Alexander Wolf, who is on trial for the alleged killing and eating of two pigs in low income housing. Both of the victim's homes were destroyed. Following that, the pigs were devoured on site by the accused, who maintains his innocence and claims that he was framed.

Wolf claimed that he was simply trying to borrow a cup of sugar from the residents of the houses closest to his, which is in a hilly, rural area. The first house he encountered was made of hay and claims that it was his powerful sneeze that caused the total destruction of the house. Apparently as the edifice collapsed, the porcine inhabitant died. In his testimony, Wolf said that he thought it would "have been a shame to leave a perfectly good ham dinner lying there." Shortly after that he commented, "Think of it as a big cheeseburger."

The second victim was shaving when Wolf knocked on his door, which was made of sticks, as was the rest of the home. After a brief verbal interaction, the Wolf had a second bout of sneezing, which caused the total destruction of this home as well. The pig-in-residence also perished immediately following the disaster. Wolf admitted to eating this pig and indicated a desire to eat the victim's carcass rather than leave it to spoil.

Judy Woodruff interviewed Wolf earlier today.

JW: "Mr. Wolf, why should the public to believe your story?"

AW: "I'm a nice guy...I've been set up."

JW: "Considering the detrimental effects your allergies have had on your community, have you considering ingesting a daily antihistamine tablet?"

AW: "This is another example of big corporations and pharmaceutical companies controlling the media; I'm not going to answer that."

JW: "Many experts in animal behavior agree that it is normal for wolves to eat pigs. Why do you feel the need to defend yourself against the allegations?"

AW: "This is clearly a case of animal profiling. I've got fangs...I'm furry...I must be a pig eating killer, right? Please...you are the mouth piece of the establishment. This interview is over."

Good morning, America! Welcome to CNN situation Room. My name is Franco I am outside of the Crazy wood county courthouse to report the large campaign against the murder of two little pigs by Mr. Alfonso the Wolf. The Pig’s community is very horrified by this crime and requests justice for their two pigs killed last week in their house. As you can hear behind me, the population is asking death penalty for Mr. Alfonso that they accused to commit this horrified crime. We are outside in this cold weather to provide you the last news. While we are talking here’s Mr. Piggy the last brother of the three little pigs.

Reporter : Hello Mr. Piggy, how are you today?
Piggy : I am ok and sad, thanks.

Reporter : Now you are going to confront the murderer as you said; what do you want for your two brothers?

Piggy : I want justice (Crying) to prevail for my two brothers. I want Alfonso to pay for this crime; I want him to feel what I feel.

Reporter : Do you agree with the crowd who are asking death penalty for M. Alfonso?

Piggy : I don’t know; I am a little bit confused because I am a Christian. I think I want him to spend the entire life in prison.

Reporter : Thanks Mr. Piggy and have a good day.
Here’s Mr. Alfonso coming up now. We are trying to join him now.

Reporter : Hi Mr. Alfonso: What do you say about all those accusations?

Mr. Alfonso: I think, they are totally false, I reject them and I will prove the jury that I am innocent.

Reporter: What kind of prove do you have?

Mr. Alfonso: I cannot divulge them now. I want this society to stop generalizing us. Not all wolves are assassins. I will defend myself and Justice will prevail for my race. That’s all I can tell you.

Reporter: Thanks Mr. Alfonso. As you can see the two parties are ready to defend themselves. We are in the situation room in CNN to keep you update about the special event. It’s time to take a break. Don’t turn your channel we will be right back for more information.
This is Franco from CNN News.

Granny Wolf's Argument on CCTV

Reporter: Good evening everyone, welcome to CCTV. We all heard about the horrible accident which happened last week: the two brothers of pig’s family were murdered by their close neighbor Alexander T. Wolf in the same day. Moreover, the suspect cruelly ate the victim’s body after he killed them. Piggy the third, the youngest brother was the only one who survived from this accident and was under police department’s protection. This crime shocks every resident who lives in the grand forest. The public are in panic and they are concerned about their families’ security. Today, a protest has taking place in the grand forest. Pigs, rabbits, puppies and other lovely little animals strongly urge the mayor to put on heavy restraints on wild animals such as tigers, wolves, and lions in order to protect their living rights. Let’s take a look

(Protest video)
Piggy the third (crying): This is the saddest year in my life. The big, bad wolf murdered my brothers, and he ate them! It is everyone’s nightmare. The wolf is cold-blood and they ought to be either locked in the jail or banned from the grand forest forever; otherwise, we would not have any peace of mind.

Bunny Rabbit (yelling): Yes. The big, wild animals are a serious threat to everyone now. It happens once a while. Some of my siblings and friends just disappear. The foxes, the tigers, the wolves and lions took them as dinner. They should not exist in this world any longer. Ban the big, wild animals!

Reporter: However, the Alexander T. Wolf claims that he is innocent while the victim’s families are experiencing great grief. Let’s hear from the suspect’s family, Granny wolf.

Granny Wolf: My dear baby Alexander did nothing intentionally to harm the pig’s family. He had serious fever and all he wanted from them was just a cup of sugar, so he could bake a birthday cake for me. However, when things happened, all the public had described him as a murderer, and the pigs are totally innocent victims. This is a stereotyping to our wolf’s family. In fact, our family has suffered reverse discrimination for all these years. Human have biased protection over the livestock and pets and this jeopardized our living rights.

We are wild animal, but unlike the livestock or pet that were feed or pampered by human, we live upon our own ability. We were trained to run faster, act faster, stronger, and not waste any food that is available. That is the key for us to be the survivor since the ice age.

As a carnivore, we maintain the balance of the food chain for our environment. We only eat meat when we are hungry or when the food is going to perish. At least we only take what we need from the earth. If eating meat is sinful, why do human beings enjoy steaks, fried-chickens, Foie gras, caviar, beef jerky so much? Besides eating,they hunt foxes to obtain the fur; they hurt deers to decorate the wall.They consume more than what is needed to be survive. I think human-beings know who the real predator in this world is, and who the real threat to all the animals is. The reason that we are “big, wild, bad “wolf is we would never be domesticated as their property or pets. If my dear Alexander didn’t eat the dead pigs, they would ultimately become the ham,the pork chop or meatball on human’s dining table. Who would say human is murderer then?

Reporter (quickly cut in): We pay great sympathy to the victim’s family. Please disregard suspect’s claim. We believe that human as the greatest creature of this world, will ensure the living right and justness of our lovely,little animal friends. Thank you for watching CCTV.

I'VE BEEN FRAMED YO HONOR

In one of the most sensational trails here in Big Sausage County, Alexander T. Wolf, most notably known for his suspicious involvement in the disappearance of well known prostitute Little Red Riding Hood, now faces life in prison for the murder of the Pigotti Brothers.

We now turn to live streaming coverage of the courtroom drama were the Honorable Judge; I.M. Octodad presides over the case.


A.T. Wolf: Yo honor, I been framed I tell ya, and I know who done it. It was not I who killed the Pigotti brothers, as for when I went to cop some sugar, they were already dead. I’ve been hoodwinked and bamboozled your honor.

Judge: Please explain ( Judge listens to case while feeding his children )

A.T. Wolf: You see honor after losing my entire life’s savings to Bunny Madeoff I’ve had to result to unconventional methods to get my sugar. I used to have it delivered to me by Snaky Robinson. But now as my funds have dried up I decided to hit up my neighbors so I can finish this cake from my grandmother.

So I head down the street to see my boy and good friend Little Bacon Pigotti and this M***F***** must have really fallen on hard times because his new house was made of straw. So anyway your honor my nose is itching like crazy from some previous sugar I used on my grandmothers cake and I start sneezing like an animal. I accidently blow my boys house down, but strangely enough it appears that Little Bacon had all ready been dead.

So then I head down to his bothers and low and behold my nose is itching like crazy and yep you guessed it, I start sneezing like a M**** F*** and I accidently blow his wooden house down. And yes, he was dead also.

Your honor I would like to point out for the record, that straws and sticks might kill some and ants, but there not going to kill a 350 pound pig.


So then I go to there big brothers house “Big Hamhock Pigotti” and this guy already waiting for me with the police and news crews. The word on the street is that Hamhock had fallen on hard times your honor, and had his two brothers whacked so he can collect the insurance money.

So there you have it your honor, I’ve been framed I tell ya, I’ve been framed.

The truth is in the eye of the beholder

Wolverine, NY

*WNN tv report- A copy pig killer strikes leaving a small town of 2000 wolfs fearing, are they the next to fall into a cooking pot. This is the first case of this sort since around 1843 where one Alexander T. Wolf huffed and puffed and blew two houses down and taken a bite out of the pig community in the tragic cases of wolf out of work and no welfare check. But this is not 1843 this is 2009 and since then the wolf population has been prospering building cites and states not only for themselves but also the pig population. So the story that we will bring you today will put fear into wolfs and pigs combined. Now lets take you to the scene where our Asian wolf report Som Yum Pig is coming with an exclusive story.

*Sum Yum Pig- Hello I am in front of where Big Bad Wolfs house used to stand now all that is left is some straw from what once used to be top real estate in Wolverine NY. What the pigs( cops) are say is that a copy pig has stroke this poor wolfs witnesses say they saw a pig huffing and puffing til Big BadWolfs house just fell apart and then it was seen that the pig maybe a boar threw the very well liked wolf into a pot of hot water and ran off. But this is only the beginning of the story and for that we will send you over to Teen wolf at Big Bad Wolfs brothers house Middle Bad Wolf.

*Teen Wolf- Thank you Sum Yum Pig yes this story does get worse only hours after the tragic attack at Big Bad Wolfs house took place a simulate attack happen at his younger brothers house Middle BadWolf as you can see behind me all we behind me the pigs(cops) are trying to find any clues digging through the sticks that once was Middle BadWolfs house. Why is this happening no one knows but we are lucky enough to have the youngest brother with us in the studio that wasn’t present at home when the pig tried to huff and puff and knock his brick house down at the other side of the city. 

 

*WNN tv report- We are all very sorry about your lose Little BadWolf both of your brother where very strong believe of wolf pig equality it is a shame what happen to them is there anything you would like to say at this time ?

 

*Little BadWolf-  Look I know that what our family member A Wolf did back around 1843 but since then me and my dear family have been leaders in pig wolf equality and for this to happen it makes me mad I just hope this copy pig killer can be found and put to justice that why today I put out a reward for anyone that has any info on this pigs where about.

 

*While all of this is going on the TV Little Red Riding Hood is taken of her pig costume laughing revenge is finally mine.  HAHAHAHAHAAHA

Wolves News Presents: The Alexander vs. The Pig Family Case

The following is a special presentation on Wolves News covered by the best reporter in town, Juan Adorno.

“The jury has reached a verdict in the Alexander Wolf vs. The Pig Family Case, AL Wolf is innocent.” Al Sharpton leads the program with an astonishing introduction:

Sharpton: Ladies and gentlemen, you have just witnessed a landmark moment in American history. Wolves are constantly stereotyped as “big and bad” but the verdict of this case proves that there are good wolves out there and they are not all guilty of disastrous behaviors. I dare to say that this case is a failed attempt at framing MR. Alexander Wolf. I hereby proudly say that, I back Alexander all the way and justice has been served.

Ladies and gentlemen, you heard it. Those are the words of Al Sharpton himself. Now, let’s go over to NYC, NY where the attorneys of both sides are having a beer at the fitzgeralds bar over on 23^rd and Lexington Ave.

Reporter: Piggy’s lawyer, what are your thoughts on the verdict of the case?

Pigs lawyer: First and foremost, I want to say that the story Wolf presented was spurious. There might have been a legitimate argument for breaking down the house due to a weak foundation but eating the pigs was not justified.

Reporter: So, why did you say in the court room that if an animal is left dead somewhere, it ought to be used as food?

Pigs Lawyer: O, that’s right ! Well anyway as I was saying, it was bad enough to break down the poor pigs’ home that they built with their own two feet. But that’s not where it stops; he also ate the poor pigs. Now, the third brother cannot even see his own brothers in a respectable funeral due to that wolf that is now running the city maybe blowing down more homes, because you know that what they are known for.

Reporter: Actually, strong opinions say that many people keep stereotyping wolves in that manner and that is not right. What are your thoughts on that?

Pigs Lawyer: Well, the facts are what they are.

[ At this point, the lawyer representing wolf jumps into the discussion]

Wolves lawyer: Yea, the facts are what they are. My client was sick and simply needed sugar. He knocked on both of your so called victim’s home and their homes broke down. They ought not to be compensated for building weak homes. That is there incompetence! Lastly, there is no proof that these pigs were eaten by my client so the murder charges were rightfully thrown out the window.

Reporter: Hey, Pigs lawyer, why are you crying?

Pigs Lawyer: Because my brother has always been the smarter one in the family. He is always going to be the brother who lands these rich clients who pay him loads of money to get them off free. I am always going to be the brother who flunked out of law school

Reporter: Excuse me, you flunked out of law school?

Next on Wolves News, “Inadequate lawyers in the courtroom” brought you by none other than Juan Adorno.

MSNBC Special: A Predator Among Us

Reporter: Good Evening America. I’m Sunny Smith and tonight we have a chilling, twisted story of a sibling rivalry and a predatory, unsuspecting neighbor and surprisingly, a happy ending. Due to the nature of this content, none of the siblings agreed to be in the report – but they have given us their account in hopes that they will help in the fight for protection from wolves for all creatures across the U.S.

(cut to a video clip from the neighborhood)

Reporter: Tonight, we visit Pigsfly, NY where three siblings built their lives. (cut to a picture of the three pigs) Three siblings, each within miles from each other, thought they lived in a safe neighborhood, far away from the dangerous Valley of Wolves where pigs and other defenseless creatures are devoured whole.

(cut to a picture of wolves)

Reporter: The story of the Pigsty family is one of any other American family. Three siblings, the oldest, Beth, the middle, Leslie and the youngest, Sarah, filled with independence set out to leave home and venture into the real world. They didn’t have much money, but their parents often sent them out to beg and they knew how to get something for nothing. Hip to the wicked ways of the dangerous wolves, they begged to get building materials to build their new house. They knew they wouldn’t be safe outside for long, it was getting dark and they needed somewhere to go.

(cut to a picture of farmer)

Reporter: The Pigsty’s encountered this kind farmer, who they begged for straw.

Farmer: The Pigsty’s came to me crying; asking for straw to build a house before the dangerous wolves came to eat them. I felt sorry for them. They told me their parents were dead and they had nowhere else to go. I have children myself, and I couldn’t imagine these poor pigs being out there by themselves. I gave them more than enough straw; I wanted them to build a house they would be safe it. They happily went on their way.

Reporter: Here is where the story turns for a twist. The Pigsty’s build a magnificent house, complete with a kitchen, balcony, and a spacious entertainment room. It was more than they could ever dream of. However, Beth was filled with greed and hoodwinked the other two siblings to get out the house so he could test the lock. Once the lock was tested, the siblings demanded to be let it – for it wasn’t safe outside the house. Instead, Beth wanted to keep the house all for himself and left the other two to fend for themselves.

(cut to a clip of a dark street with no one on it)
Reporter: So the two ventured off in what would be their safe-nest from both Beth and the wolves. So the two siblings went back to the farmer and begged for materials to build their home.

Farmer : They came back to me – crying uncontrollably. Their sister had turned on them, and they had nowhere to go. I had no more straw, only hay left for my horses. I felt so bad – I gave them more than they needed to build a sufficient house.

Reporter: Leslie and Sarah built an even better house, with a nicer balcony and beautiful details throughout the house. Leslie looked at Sarah and said “Don’t worry sister, I won’t do what Beth did to us”. Again, with trust, Sarah went outside to test the lock. Leslie looked around her at the splendor she created and thought how good it would be if it were all hers. She didn’t let Sarah back into the house.

(cut to a baby picture of Sarah)

Reporter: So Sarah, the youngest and most docile, was out on her own, left to fend for herself. Sarah was ten years younger than Beth and five years younger than Leslie. She didn’t beg as well as the other two. So Sarah went back to the farmer who she has visited with her siblings. She saw he was renovating his shed and had a heaping pile of stone and iron that he was throwing away.

(cut to farmer)

Farmer: I couldn’t believe this was happening again. The youngest sibling was left by herself – her sisters too selfish to share their houses. I have her all of the iron and stone I had to build her a strong house to keep her from harm. She especially needed this special treatment – for she was so young and needed protection from the wolves. They favor young pigs, they are tenderer.

Reporter: Sarah went to find a nice spot and built her house. She built it strong. The next part is chilling.

(cut to a picture of the wolf)

Reporter: Their day finally came – the wolf came to look for them. He first went to Beth’s house. She refused to open the door and he blew it down and ate her. Then he went to Leslie’s house, doing the same to her. Then he came upon Sarah’s house. She was young but keen and swift. He tried to get into her house, but it was strong and he could not get into the house. So he tried to get to her by giving her food to prepare a meal for them. She refused and told him to leave the food at the door. So the wolf left and Sarah took the food from the door. The wolf came back to eat the prepared food and Sarah refused to let him in. Instead, she said told him to put his mouth to the small hole in the door and she would feed him through there. Instead, she poured scolding hot water down his throat. He immediately died. She cut his stomach open to see if there was a chance her sisters would still be there and they were. The wolf swallowed them whole and they were still alive. She forgave them and they still live in the house Sarah built, safe and sound. A disturbing story, but one with a good ending. We can all learn something from this story, and that is to be kind to the ones you love and also to those you don’t know and even when they don’t deserve it. Be aware of your surroundings and always look out for those dangerous wolves. The Pigsty’s have started an organization to help those going out into the real world and offer support and counseling. From New York, I’m Sunny Smith, thank you for joining us tonight.

The Mr. Alexander T. Wolf. v. Mr. Peter Piggly Trial

Reporter:
Good morning. Thank you for watching Channel 37 ½ News. This is Bonnie Bunny Chung, reporting to you live from the Happy Woody Forest Courthouse, where the Mr. Alexander T. Wolf v. Mr. Peter Piggly trial takes place today. According to the police reports, Mr. Wolf murdered and ate Mr. Piggly’s two brothers, Mr. Wiggly and Mr. Jiggly. Mr. Wolf is being charged today, not only for the murders of the two brothers, but also for tampering with evidence as he ate the bodies of the two deceased brothers, and for destruction of properties as he demolished both Mr. Wiggly and Mr. Jiggly's homes.

Mr. Piggly is expected to arrive any moment. Here he is now!

(All journalists rush towards Mr. Piggly with their microphones and video cameras, as newspaper journalists blind Mr. Piggly with their flashing cameras, all yelling his name to get his attention. Mr. Piggly looks uncomfortable to be in the spotlight.)

Mr. Piggly, this is Bonnie Bunny Chung of Channel 37 ½ News. I am so very sorry for your great loss. Please share with us, what is your disposition this morning?

Mr. Piggly:
Good morning Bonnie. As I am very sad for the loss of my two brothers, I am feeling very confident today and very hopeful that justice will be served on their behalf. I believe that the jury will find Mr. Wolf guilty and that he will be burned at the stakes! Mr. Wolf had no regard that my brothers were beloved family members and exceptional members of this great society. Mr. Wolf treated them as if they were nothing but sausage links at the local butcher. I hope Mr. Wolf rots in jail! Oink.

(Mr. Piggly storms away into the courthouse.)

Reporter:
As a nation, I am sure all of our hearts are with Mr. Piggly on this very difficult day. Mr. Wolf has just arrived!

(All journalists rush towards Mr. Wolf as they did with Mr. Piggly. But, Mr. Wolf eats up the attention, looking like a movie star, wearing sunglasses, prepared for the flashing cameras.)

Mr. Wolf! Mr. Wolf! This is Bonnie Bunny Chung of Channel 37 ½ News. Please tell us, how do you feel the jury will rule today?

Mr. Wolf:
Hello Bonnie. I truly believe that the jury will see that I meant no ham, I mean, harm to Mr. Wiggly and Mr. Jiggly. I innocently went to their homes to borrow a cup of sugar to make a birthday cake for my grandmother. I am a wonderful cook, you know. I would love to have you over for dinner sometime, perhaps for some delectable hossenfeffer? Think about it. Anyway, that day, I had a terrible cold which included uncontrollable, explosive sneezes. As the homes of Mr. Wiggly and Mr. Jiggly were indeed lovely specimens of architecture, they were unfortunately built out of substandard material, one out of straw and the other out of sticks. As I waited for them to open the doors of their homes, I let out a huff and puff, I mean, sneeze, which blew their homes down to the ground, leaving Mr. Wiggly and Mr. Jiggly dead. All I did was sneeze. Their homes would have crashed down on them killing them at some point with just a delicate breeze. It was the poor construction that killed the two brothers, not me.

Reporter:
But, you reportedly ate the two brothers afterwards.

Mr. Wolf:
Bonnie, yes I did eat the two porkers, I mean brothers. Any carnivorous animal living here in the Happy Woody Forest would have done the same, they would have eaten the pigs rather than let them just spoil. The two brothers were delicious, I mean, already dead. If I am guilty of anything, it is of having had a cold, nothing else! By the way, in case anyone was wondering, I feel much better now, I am now only suffering from minor sniffles.

(Mr. Wolf swaggers towards the courthouse, snapping his fingers and whistling.)

Reporter:
Wow! I hope Mr. Wolf has a good lawyer.

It is now only a few hours before we learn Mr. Wolf’s fate. Let us hope the jury makes the right decision and protects the citizens of Happy Woody Forest from any further danger caused by Mr. Wolf’s “sneezes.” Good bye for now. This is Bonnie Bunny Chung reporting. Back to you Bob.

CNN Situation Room.

CNN Situation Room.
Wolf Blitzer: Good evening everyone. I’m Wolf Blitzer and you’re in the Situation Room.
Suspenseful music plays…
Wolf Blitzer: Today we will be live at the state courthouse in Barnyard County to witness the court case of A. Wolf Vs Pig in a most horrifying case. Mr. A Wolf allegedly murdered Mr. Pig’s only two brothers and attempted to break into Pig’s house and murder him. I’m just receiving word now that we have an anchor outside the courthouse to get a word from the defendant as he is being escorted to the court.
Reporter on the scene: Mr. A Wolf! Do you feel confident about how the case will go?
A Wolf is in a black and white striped uniform and is shackled. He is being escorted into court by two armed pig policemen.
A Wolf: I have been set up and by this bias system and today my defense prove that I was targeted only because I was a poor wolf in a wealthy pig prominent neighborhood.
The television program cuts live to inside the court where the Wolf takes the stand and is questioned by his lawyer. The noble barnyard county judge Cow presides. A jury of twelve different barnyard animals sits on the bench. News media fill the room with camera men stuffed in every available corner. The Pig’s family sits behind the plaintiff abreast like swine at the trough.
Wolf Lawyer: Is it true Mr. Wolf that in a county of over five thousand you are one of only seven wolves?
A Wolf: Yes, I believe so.
Lawyer: And isn’t it also true that your income is considerately lower that of many of your fellow pig neighbors?
A Wolf: Yes that is true.
Lawyer: Tell me mister wolf. Have you ever been harassed by the pigs in your neighborhood before?
A Wolf breaking down at the stand. A Wolf: Yes…. It’s true the pigs often snorted racially charged slurs to me. They always said that they didn’t like “my kind” and said that they would find a way to, “take care of me for good.”
Cut back to the Situation Room with Wolf.
Wolf Blitzer: we’ve just received word that A Wolf is trying to plead insanity due to constant mental duress caused by Mr. Pig and his two brothers. This is a truly shocking and interesting case and we will keep you informed as we get the latest information. Will the Wolf’s plea hold up in the court? If so is Mr. Pig in any danger of legal action against him due to these alleged hate crimes? Find out tonight. Later tonight we will report on a newly discovered poison inside a daily household food. It could kill you in minutes if ingested with normal over-the-counter medication. You could be eating it right now. We’ll tell you what it is tonight at eleven. I’m Wolf Blitzer and you’re in the Situation Room!

Fox News: An Interview with Star Bones and A Wolf

News Anchor: After the break we will have Star Bones, former Brooklyn Assistant District Attorney to discuss the case of “The True Story of the Three Little Pigs.”

Commercial Break

News Anchor: Welcome back to the news. We have a special guest here with us, Star Bones. Star was the former Brooklyn ADA, and she has seen her share of murder cases. Welcome Star.

Star Bones: Thank you. It’s a pleasure to be here.

News Anchor: Star will you please give an overview of the case for anyone that isn’t familiar.

Star Bones: Well the heart of this case is that Alexander Wolf, A Wolf, was accused of murdering two little pigs and attempted murder on a third. He was also accused destroying the property of Piggy 1 and Piggy 2. In his defense A Wolf claims that he did not murder either Piggy 1 or Piggy 2, and that the destruction of property was accidental. He was tried by his peers and was found not guilty. There wasn’t enough evidence to prove him guilty beyond a reasonable doubt.

News Anchor: Now Star, I know when you were in court you had you saw all kinds of characters in the court room. Many say they aren’t guilty, and they are presumed innocent, but do you think that A Wolf was in fact not guilty?

Star Bones: Let’s look at the facts of this case. We have a family of three pigs, and two of them are deceased due to the direct or indirect actions of this wolf. He had admitted that he went to visit Piggy 1 and Piggy 2 to…what did he go there for?

News Anchor: He went to borrow a cup of sugar.

Star Bones: Yes, he went there for a cup of sugar. He claims that he had a terrible cold and that his so called huffing and puffing was a ploy by the press sell papers. He states that he was sick and he was huffing and snuffing, not huffing and puffing. I believe that the DA took some swabs and they determined that he in fact did have a case of influenza. Also I want to go back a step remember that in the court of law if there is reasonable doubt, it is the duty of the jury to acquit. Remember in the OJ Wimpson case Johnny Dochran said it best “if it doesn’t fit you must acquit.”

News Anchor: Ok Star, he was sick. How does that explain the deaths of Piggies 1 and Piggies 2?

Star Bones: A Wolf claims that when he huffed and snuffed the homes fell in. There is some speculation that it is one of the unexpected side effects of our housing crisis. Some of the homes that sprouted up over the last few years were poorly constructed. The destruction of property claim was quickly thrown out of court, and all that was left were the murder charges.

News Anchor: Interesting, but Star let’s not veer too far off course. Were the cause of deaths for Piggie 1 and Piggie 2 determined?

Star Bones: Now I’m not the medical examiner, but I do know they were unable to determine the actual cause of deaths. The problem in that situation is there were no bodies to examine. A Wolf ate the victims after he found them already deceased. Without the bodies or any physical evidence to tie him to the murders of the victims, the jury had no other choice but to acquit. The DA didn’t have a very strong case for this trial.

News Anchor: Wait one moment, my producer is telling me that we have A Wolf and he is available by satellite. A Wolf welcome to the show, we have Star Bones here explaining the nuances of your case to our viewers. Congratulations on your not guilty verdict.

A Wolf: Hi, and thanks for having me on. First I need to clear up a few misunderstandings that have surfaced since my arrest. I will admit when the police found me in front of the house of Piggy 3 I was angry and a bit hysterical, but Piggy 3 was talking about my grandmother. He set me off. That being said I would not, nor would I ever harm any other creature in our Fairy Land.

Star Bones: What do you have to say about the two victims that you ate? It seems that you ate the evidence that could convict you for a very long time.

A Wolf: Listen Star, I’m a gentle peace loving wolf. The pigs were already dead when I ate them. I am a wolf, but I’m no killer. The media has sensationalized the entire affair. I am truly sorry what happened to the Pigford family, but going to jail for a crime that I did not commit will not bring back Piggy Pigford 1 or Piggy Pigford 2.

News Anchor: We only have 30 seconds left. A Wolf, one last question, what are you going to do now that you have your freedom back?

A Wolf: I just want to move on with my life. This case has opened my eyes to the injustices of this world. I’ve been accepted to law school, and I am going to fight for the rights of the broken, misunderstood and accused across this great land of ours. I want to make sure that the rights of those who have been accused of a crime are protected.

News Anchor: Good luck with that A Wolf. I want to thank our guests Star Bones and A Wolf for this riveting interview. Up next is it time to put your money under your mattress? We have Allen Deenspan to talk about the banking crisis and the state of the economy. We’ll be back after a word from our sponsors.

Little Pig and Wolf

Patrick Lamb, a renowned new reader turned reporter recently got an assignment to cover the reporting of the Pig trial. When he reached there, he found the defendant, Wolf, coming out of his car.

PL: Mr. Wolf, how do you feel today?

Mr. Wolf: I am pretty good and I hope all allegations on me will be cleared today.

PL: what do you think is it a valid allegation? What happened actually? Why everyone is behind you?

Mr. Wolf: this is a false accusation as far as I think. I never did anything intentionally. I was trying to make a birthday cake for my granny and I was sort of sugar. I went to get the sugar to my first neighbor whose house was made of straw. I knocked the door but no one opened the door. As I was about to leave, I got sneeze and the straw house fell down. Then I moved to the second neighbor whose house was made of stick. There also I got sneeze as soon as I knocked the door and the house fell down. Then I went to my third neighbor whose house is made of brick. He did not entertain me and I got sneeze there also but his house did not fall down. But since these all neighbors’ were brothers, so they are trying to make some money from me.

PL: there is a rumor that you killed those 2 pigs and ate their flesh also. Is it true?

Mr. Wolf: this is false. I am honest and want everyone to know the truth. As the house fell down, I saw ham in the remaining of the house. I ate those as I was getting hungry. None of the wolf will leave the ham if they get it. But I don’t know if it was of those pigs or it was from their refrigerator. I didn’t kill anyone and the media is being biased at me and that is very disappointing.

PL: Mr. Wolf, how you want to defend your case?

Mr. Wolf: I am honest and I haven’t lied anything to anyone. I didn’t kill any pig. That is true and I think I will defend myself based on the truth.

PL: thank you very much Mr. Wolf… Good Luck! (Moves right and saw Pig walking toward the court room)

PL: Mr. Pig, what you have to say regarding your case?

Mr. Pig: I will win the case. All public supports me and everyone knows how cunning wolves are…. On top of that he killed my brothers and I hope court will give me justice.

PL: But Mr. Wolf says he didn’t kill your brothers?

Mr. Pig: He is a liar… everyone knows him. I saw him killing my brothers.

PL: that means you are also an eyewitness?

Mr. Pig: no but I saw blood in wolf mouth and apparently my brothers were dead same time. So….

PL: what if you loose this case?

Mr. Pig: it will be unfortunate. Everyone will have to think twice to go for justice. If I loose, whole nation will lose and so will be its citizens. Now I need to go so would you mind giving me way?

PL: oh thank you Mr. Pig… Good Luck!

PL: Now everyone is going inside the court room. Along with everyone here… I am also going inside the courtroom where cameras are not allowed. Will bring you all the updates in every 20 minutes. Till then than you and stay tuned for our updates.