A. Wolf Stands for ANGER Wolf !!

News Reporter Jim the Lizard: Welcome to Farmington 7, where you can get the freshest news from the farm. Sorry for interrupting your daily broadcast but this is a special report. Famed actor Alexander T. Wolf has just been arrested. News Reporter Panda Lee, can you please tell us more about what happened?

News Reporter Panda Lee: Yes Jim. Just moments ago, the case came to a close and Alexander T. Wolf was sentenced to life in prison for the murder of two pigs. Wolf was taken out of the court in handcuffs, guarded by several tiger policemen. The pig community was completely in outrage by his actions. They even mobbed in front of the court. Many of them were relieved and cheered as Wolf was being escorted into the police car.

News Reporter Jim the Lizard: To those who do not know the details, here is a summary of what was presented and decided in the court…

[A few hours earlier, the beginning of the court case…]

Judge Owl Oscar: Okay so from what I am presented with, Mr. Wolf is charged with the murder and consumption of the two brothers of Mr. Peter Pig. What do you have to say for yourself Mr. Wolf?

Alexander T. Wolf: Sir, this is all a misunderstanding. As you can see from the evidence, I was found with nothing but a measuring cup in my hand when I was taken custody from Mr. Peter’s front yard. I just wanted some sugar. The so called “murders” of Mr. Peter’s two brothers were just two horrible accidents. I had a terrible sneezing cold and happened to sneeze in front of both pigs’ houses when I asked for sugar. The force of my sneeze shook their homes so much that they collapsed inwards. It’s not my fault that their houses were so unstable. So technically, their HOUSES killed them. THAT is what happened.

Peter Pig: LIES!! He is an ACTOR!! He’s faking it I KNO--

Judge Owl Oscar: ORDER IN THE COURT!! [BANG BANG BANG] Is that so Mr. Wolf? Why then, did you eat them afterwards?

Alexander T. Wolf: With all due respect, sir, are you seriously asking me this? I am a wolf. When the debris cleared, there were two dead pigs. So I simply figured: Why waste meat?

Peter Pig: Your GRANDMA is a waste of meat!!

Alexander T. Wolf: Why I ought to--!!

Judge Owl Oscar: SECURITY!! Hold them in place please!!

[Two security guards grab Alexander T. Wolf and Peter Pig. Alexander T. Wolf bites the shoulder of the security guard that’s closer and rushes toward Peter Pig. The other security guard releases Pig Peter and tries to restrain Alexander T. Wolf. However, Alexander T. Wolf flings the second guard onto the first guard. Both guards are now knocked out. Alexander T. Wolf attempts to mutilate this last little piggie but Peter Pig knees Alexander T. Wolf in the gonads. By this time, backup security guards from the hallways had entered and fully restrained Alexander T. Wolf.]

Judge Owl Oscar: That’s IT!! You DARE try to commit ANOTHER murder in MY COURT ?!?! You are judged GUILTY. LIFE SENTENCE IN JAIL!! And some anger management lessons too!!

[Back to the news broadcast]

News Reporter Jim the Lizard: And there you have it. Alexander T. Wolf is sentenced to jail for life. Any further news of this story will be continued on our regular broadcasting time at ten p.m.

[News coverage ends. News channel tune comes up: ♪ Bee bee boo, boo bee bee bee boo boo. ♫]

The big protest

Those evil pigs!

Reporter: Good evening ladies and gentlemen. This is channel 3 news reporter Edward outside the courthouse in Springfield. Six hours ago in this courthouse, Mr. Wilewolf is charged with two aggravated murder, Mr. Ziggy and Mr. Piggy. Attempted murder to Mr. Smokey and destroy other animals’ residences. Now, the trial has ended, we are waiting outside the court to talk to Mr.Wilewolf… o, he’s coming out. Mr.Wilewolf, hello, Mr. Wilewolf. What judge decided? Can you tell us what happened in the court? Is that true some people said because you found out your girlfriend like pigs more than you so you decided to put revenge on those pigs?

Mr.Wilewolf: I told everyone that I am innocent. The Judge asked me whether I murdered those pigs because I want eat them. It is so not true. I was a pizza wolf and I received a pizza delivery from Mr. Ziggy. Our pizza store policy is that we only accept cash. But when I arrived at Mr.Ziggy’s house, if you call that straw---a house. He first refused to pay cash, only credit card. After I mentioned our store policy, he then said that he ordered Chinese food, not pizza. Well, that pissed me off totally.

Reporter: So what happened to Mr. Piggy? I heared his girlfriend was your old lover. Is that true you killed him because of love?

Mr.Wilewolf: What? No. No. No. After I did not collect money from Mr. Piggy, I lost my pizza delivery job. But I still remember Mr. Piggy’s birthday, he and me was good friends, I can remember his birthday without a Facebook reminder.

Reporter: So you murdered him at his birthday party?

Mr.Wilewolf: Do I look crazy? He thought I killed Mr. Ziggy so that he did not allow me to go to his party. I said, “I am just a single wolf who wants to celebrate your birthday.” Do you know what did he said to me?

Reporter: (shake his head)

Mr.Wilewolf: No way man f@#k that sh@#t. Get the f@#k off my porch, crackhead!!

Reporter: (looks shocked) So what about the attempted murder to Mr. Smokey?

Mr. Wilewolf: Ok, about that, tomorrow or next few days I have lawsuit against him for slander and attempted murder to me.

Reporter: Could you tell us why?

Mr. Wilewolf: First, he knows I have heart disease, and he throw an apple as far as he can, I almost get killed by heart disease because I want that apple so bad. And next day, he hide into a churn and tried to kill me, how smart that little bastard was, if that killed me, then the suspect will be the churn, not him!

Reporter: But since he will not let you into his house, how will you find him tomorrow?

Mr. Wilewolf: O I have a plan. I decide to get down the chimney after him. Do not tell him.

Reporter: Well, people, Mr. Wilewolf is not guilt and we will have follow-up investigation on what happened to the lawsuit against Mr. Wilewo.

Porky the Retarded Pig v. Fluffy the Ridiculous Wolf.

This is Fairytale news, I am Jin the Awesome Cobra, broadcasting live from the Fairytale Court in Fairytale land. Today we have a civil case of Porky the Retarded Pig v. Fluffy the Ridiculous Wolf. Fluffy the Ridiculous Wolf is counter suing Porky the Retarded Pig for mental distress and depression caused by last year’s most controversial court case, “State of Fairytale Land v. Fluffy the Ridiculous Wolf”, where Fluffy the Ridiculous Wolf was ridiculously charged with 1^st degree manslaughter for the deaths of Sausage the Ugly Pig, and Bacon the Oily Pig. The case is about to start and the judge is walking in.

Judge Lycan the Unbiased Wolf : RAWR! Good morning everybody! Here we are today with the case of Porky the Retarded Pig v. Fluffy the Innocent Wolf. Can both defendant and the prosecutor please rise and state your case. I will be asking the majority of the questions here today, just because I said so. The prosecutor may go first

Fluffy the Ridiculous Wolf : Good morning Uncle Lycan! How are you doing? You look skin looks extra smooth today!

Porky the Retarded Pig : OBJECTION IRRELEVANCY, YOUR HONOR! He is totally sucking up to you and what he is saying has nothing to do with the court case!

Judge Lycan the Unbiased Wolf : Objection overruled, he is complimenting me, and I am the court, therefore it has everything to do with the case. Fluffy, you may continue.

Fluffy the Ridiculous Wolf : Porky, if you object one more time, I’m going to sue you after this case for causing me to lose my thoughts. Anyways Uncle Lycan, I am here today to sue Porky for accusing me for the murder of his brothers, who were already dead when I first laid eyes on them! Even though I won the case, everything was never the same. All my friends made fun of me because I got sued by retarded pigs who didn’t know how to build houses and I’ve been a laughing stock ever since. It’s not right! I hate it! I’ve lost all confidence in myself and I was rejected from Piglet High School, where the majority of the student body is pigs, simply because they were afraid of me. It’s all Porky’s fault! He must pay for his actions!

Judge Lycan the Unbiased Wolf : This sounds like legitimate case, Porky, do you have anything to say to defend yourself?

Porky the Retarded Pig : Your honor! This case is RIDICULOUS! He ate TWO of my brothers for god sakes! I’m positive that I’m suffering more stress than he could possibly imagine, and now he’s suing ME? You can’t be serious. The only reason he won the last case was because the Judge was his father.
That’s not fa-

Judge Lycan the Unbiased Wolf : WHOA WHOA, hold up a second. That judge happens to be my brother, what are you trying to say? That we’re biased? Do you know who you’re messing with here?

Porky the Retarded Pig : Sir no your honor…. You’re not biased at all. Not one bit.. It’s just that he killed two of my brothers..

Fluffy the Ridiculous Wolf : OBJECTION YOUR HONOR! I did not kill his brothers; they were already dead when I got there.

Judge Lycan the Unbiased Wolf : Objection sustained, Fluffy had no fault in the deaths of Sausage and Bacon, they were retards who built a house of straws and sticks, they deserved to die.

Porky the Retarded Pig : YOUR HONOR! You have absolutely no right to say that! You’re a judge, you’re not supposed to take any sides!

Judge Lycan the Unbiased Wolf: Stay in topic Porky, or you’ll risk losing this case. Are you aware of the stress you’ve caused Fluffy by your careless actions? Did you think about it before you decided to sue him?

Fluffy the Ridiculous Wolf : YEAH! HE HURT MY FEELINGS.

Porky the Retarded Pig : What!? What about MY feelings! What about MY stress that he caused to ME by HIS careless actions!!? He definitely didn’t think about it before murdering my brothers!

Judge Lycan the Unbiased Wolf : For the last and final time, stay on topic. What is wrong with you? The world doesn’t revolve around you, you selfish pig. This case is not about your feelings or your brothers, it’s about Fluffy’s feelings and the stress you’ve caused him. You did not answer my previous question, please stay on topic.

Porky the Retarded Pig : Okay this is getting ridiculous, you are just as biased as the last judge. I’m going to sue you for being biased!

Judge Lycan the Unbiased Wolf : That’s the last straw, you’ve disrespected me and my family for the very last time. I sentence you to death by barbecue! You will be cooked for Fluffy’s family to eat, and that is final.

Fluffy the Ridiculous Wolf : Yeah! And I’ll sue your parents if you taste bad!

Porky the Retarded Pig : WHAT!? YOU CAN’T DO THAT!

Judge Lycan the Unbiased Wolf : Sure I could, I am the judge, I can do anything. Watch me. GUARDS, TAKE HIM AWAY!

Porky the Retarded Pig : NOOOOOOOOOOOO THIS IS BULLSH-
Judge Lycan the Unbiased Wolf : Guards, make sure you cut his tongue before cooking him. Prosecutor, do you have any last words?

Fluffy the Ridiculous Wolf : Looks like I have dinner for tonight! Thanks for everything Uncle! I’ll see you tomorrow.

Judge Lycan the Unbiased Wolf : Tomorrow? What’s tomorrow?

Fluffy the Ridiculous Wolf : Oh you forgot? I’m suing my friends for making fun of me and I’m suing Piglet High School for discriminating me.

Judge Lycan the Unbiased Wolf : Haha! Sounds like a plan, *wink*, anything else?

Fluffy the Ridiculous Wolf : Nope!

Judge Lycan the Unbiased Wolf : Court adjourned.

Well that was an interesting turn of events! Looks like everything worked out for Fluffy the Ridiculous Wolf! I heard he’s having a barbecue tomorrow, and everybody in Fairytale Land is invited! Shame on Porky’s family for being so selfish, all they think about is themselves. They wouldn’t even spare a cup of sugar for Fluffy, how despicable. That’s it today for Fairytale news, This is Jin the Awesome Cobra reporting in, thank you for tuning, see you next time!

Hog City v. Howlin Wolf

Hog City v. HowlinWolf

Anderson Piglet Cooper: Broadcasting live from Pigskin Court in Hog City, we bring to you the murder trial of the century, Hog City v. Howlin Wolf. In case you were living under a rock last year, Howlin Wolf A.K.A “The Big Bad wolf,” is accused of committing the gruesome murders that rocked the nation last year. He’s accused of going to the homes of the two pigs and savagely blowing their homes down with his bad breath and then eating them alive.
Judge Judy Piglet: Defense Attorney Piggly Wiggly, call your first witness please.
Piggly Wiggly: Your honor, I call the defendant, Howlin Wolf to the stand.
Piggly Wiggly: Mr. Wolf can you please share with the court your actions on the day in question.
Howlin Wolf: Yes, sir. It was my grannie’s birthday and I wanted to do something special for her. I decided to bake her a cake, despite the fact that I was suffering from hay-fever. Not to mention, my wife is the one who usually does the baking. However, I thought it would be more special if I baked the cake myself. As I began mixing all the ingredients I noticed that I didn’t have any sugar. Anxious to get the job done, I figured I’d just borrow some sugar from my neighbors. The first house I stopped by was Mr. Nelson Pork Rinds.
I knocked on the door, but no one answered. That’s when it happened.
Piggly Wiggly: What happened?
Howlin wolf: I sneezed so hard that I blew the house down.
Piggy Wiggly: You blew the house down?
Howlin Wolf: Well, it -was- made of straw.
Piggly Wiggly: What happen next?
Howlin Wolf: When the house collapsed, I heard a loud scream. I quickly went to search for Mr. Pork Rind, who was buried in the debris. By the time I found him he was already dead. Rather than leaving him there or calling 911, I figured I’d just eat him. A meal of that quantity would surely satisfy my appetite for a few days. Thereafter, I proceeded on to the next house, which was that of Mr. Pork Rind’s brother Henry. I knocked on the door and as I waited for a response I let out a big sneeze and his house also blew down. I heard another loud scream so I quickly searched through the debris only to find Henry lying there dead. I decided to eat him as well to satisfy my appetite for a few more days. Desperately wanting bake the cake for my granny, I proceeded to the next house, which was that of the third brother Jeffery Pork Rind. I knocked on the door and he answered, “Who is it?” I said, “It’s me Howlin Wolf.” Jeffery quickly mumbled, “I didn’t touch your wife.” At that point I was completely puzzled and yelled, “What the hell are you talking about?” He stated, “I know that’s why you’re here. I’m telling you right now, Howlin, I didn’t touch your wife!” At that time, I started to bang on his door telling him to open up. That’s when the Hog city police showed up and arrested me.
Piggly Wiggly: Ok, your honor I rest my case.
Judge Judy Piglet: Prosecutor, would you like to cross examine the witness?
Prosecutor: Yes, your honor I would, but first I’d like to play a video tape that was recovered from the defendant’s home.
Judge Judy Piglet: You may proceed.
(Prosecutor plays a video of the wolf’s wife Amanda Wolf having relations with both Nelson and Henry Pork Rind)
Howlin Wolf: You bastard! How dare you play that in my front of everyone.
Prosecutor: I played the video to prove why you savagely murdered both, Henry and Nelson Pork Rind.
Howlin Wolf: Turn it off, Please! I can’t bare it anymore.
Prosecutor: I’ll turn it off when you tell the truth
Howlin Wolf (sobbing): Okay! Okay! Just turn it off please! I Killed those bastards because they slept with my wife and I’ll kill that bastard (referring to Jeffery Pork Rind) too if I ever get free.
Judge Judy Piglet: Order in the court! Order in the court!
Prosecutor: Your honor I rest my case.

Little Piggy's Tear

Reporter Parrot: Today we are going to find out the truth about the recent murder case.

Judge Tiger: Plaintiff Mr. Piggy can you tell us what happen that day your two brothers were killed and eaten by Mr. Wolf?

Plaintiff Mr. Piggy : Yes, my lord. My story of what happen that day is just the same as the news reporter all over the paper. Mr. Wolf clearly did killed my two brothers, everyone knows that. Today, I am here to get an answer that why my best friend Mr. Wolf had done this cruel thing to my two dear brothers. For many people who didn’t know our relationship with Mr. Wolf, Mr. Wolf was truly the best friend of our brothers, we have known each other for life time. We went to school together, we shared Pizza, homework even porn. How could he……

Defendant Mr. Wolf: Stop! Please stop, I am begging you, my brother. I really don’t know what happen to me sometime, I don’t want to make any explanations, I plead guilty, my lord. Please don’t ask me anything about that night, I really don’t remember, and my brother piggy, I know whatever I say is not going to make up anything compare to your lost, I wish I can be a pig in my next life. Right after that, Mr. Wolf pulled the security Mr. Bear’s gun put three bullets in his brain, dead in bloody floor.

The Whole court keep silence for almost 10 seconds before everybody claps and whistle. Then Witness giraffe and Mr. Wolf’s shrink Dr. Panda come in the court and hand in some new evidences.

Witness giraffe shows up in the court: I saw everything happened that night, Mr. Wolf first went to the Mr. Piggy’s biggest brother Big P to ask a cup of sugar, but Big P was making fun of Mr. Wolf’s granny, He said:”your granny is hundred years old, she could die in any minutes, why would you so care about her……..” Then Mr. Wolf suddenly looked like someone else, Big P became Mr. Wolf’s dinner. Same thing happened to Mr. Piggy’s second brother Down P, Down P was drunk when Mr. Wolf saw his grandpa’s shadow in Down P, so he broke Down P’s both legs and ate him alive. But he seem didn’t know what he was doing…….

Judge reads out Mr. wolf’s psychological reporter: According to Mr. wolf’s diagnosis records in the past 3 years. Mr. wolf has split personality, which means there are two personalities live in Mr. wolf’s heart. Mr. Wolf lived with his grandparents. But every time after grandpa got drunk, his granny and him would physically and mentally abused by his grandpa, Three years ago, his grandpa broke granny’s both legs and dead in a car accident the same night. Every since that, Mr. Wolf had two personalities, one is like his granny which always cares people around him, very kind and also was a vegetarian. But if someone revile his granny, his other personality will show up, cruelty and cold-bloodedness.

After knowing Mr. Wolf has split personality, All the good memory with Mr. Wolf shows in Mr. Piggy’s head like a movie, it doesn't matter whether Mr. Wolf was guilty or not,everything was ended.Mr.Piggy starts to cry and realize that not he lost his last two relatives, but he also just lose his last friend in the village. He shouted toward the sky: “dear lord, why did you do this to me.” God smiles: “life is unfair, get used to it."

Animal Farm 2010

This is Weasel News, reporting today’s live action drama from the Appomattox Courthouse. Folks, we may have the trial of the century here, as the rights of Swine and Sheep not to be eaten are tested by the court. Mr. Alexander Thomas Wolf is accused of two counts of involuntary swine slaughter and post-mortem consumption and three counts of extorting baking substances. Mr. Wolf has earlier entered a growl of not guilty, and claimed he was a victim of his nature, circumstance, and most importantly a severe upper respiratory infection. If convicted on all counts, Mr. Wolf could face a maximum sentence of 20 wolf years (approximately 37 swine years) and state mandated diet modification therapy.

In continuing tradition of fair and unbiased coverage, Weasel News brings you the real, original courtroom transcript, edited by our Patriot team for the sheep’s reading pleasure:

Judge Lion: Does the prosecution have any opening comments?

Prosecutor Hound: No, Your Honor. I would like to call to the stand, my client and the last surviving member of his family, Mr. Swinestein. I know that Mr. Swinestein’s account of the events that took place on that fateful day will be more than enough to convict this brute (points in Mr Wolf’s direction).

Defense Panda: Objection!! I will not have you slander my client in the court of law!

Lion: Sustained. Mr. Hound, as you may have noticed, I myself was not exactly raised on a farm and I turned out all right.

Hound: (sarcastically) My apologies, Your Honor. Mr. Swinestein, would you please tell us what happened.

Swinestein: (taking the stand) It was just another Sunday morning in our quite mountain town. I was eating some of last week’s leftovers when I heard my younger brother Oinkburg scream. I ran to the window and saw that very Wolf standing in front of Oinkburg’s house. My brother was on welfare, so all he could afford was a straw house. The Wolf had already torn down the door and was huffing and puffing outside. Seconds later the whole house was coming down and I heard my brother shriek and fall to the ground. I knew what had happened; Oinkburg suffered a heart attack from the fright he experienced. Like most us pigs, he had high cholesterol. The worst part came next; the Wolf didn’t even call a doctor. He just stood there sniffing and then started to eat… (Swinestein begins to shriek uncontrollably)

Hound: I know this is painful for you Mr. Swinestein, but you must go on. We have had some vegetable scraps brought here to comfort you.

Swinestein: (sobbing and chewing loudly) Thank you. Next I saw the Wolf approach my brother Schweinsteiger’s house. I heard him screaming for sugar and sneezing repeatedly. Sugar must be wolf slang for pork meat; those sick bastards. Naturally, my brother didn’t open. I was praying his house would be strong enough to withstand the brute. You see, Schweinsteiger was also on welfare but his wife just had a litter of 16, so they could afford a house of sticks. But that damned Wolf just kept puffing and screaming until the whole house came down on itself. Poor Schweinsteiger must have been crushed instantly. I couldn’t look anymore. Luckily the hounds came soon and cornered the monster, before he could get anyone else. Creatures like that should be kept in cages.

Panda: If you are finished insulting my client Mr. Swinestein, I would like Mr. Wolf to tell what really happened.

Wolf: First of all, I would like to disperse some negative stereotypes about my species. It sickens me the way the carnivorous demographic is always portrayed by the media as uncivilized savages. My parents and I graduated …

Make sure to read Weasel News as we bring you the verdict tomorrow. Meanwhile we would love to hear your opinions on the subject. Should we nuke Alaskan wolves in the name of national security? Should we send all American wolves to internment camps to avoid any backlash after A. Wolf is surely convicted tomorrow? Let us know.